You Decide.

I dont know how many weeks of blogging I have missed. I apologise. I have been doing alot of things and have been super busy.

Now.

I do a thing. It is a great thing. It is a very important thing. It is a thing that not everyone likes. It is called what I want. Doing things YOUR way to YOUR standards is ridiculously important. Being your own person with your own opinions and likes and dislikes is so important that it is one of the few things that truly define you. There are a whole variety of things that people think define you, but dont. For example your hair colour, your skill levels, or your sexual orientation. There are things that are a part of you, and things that define you.

To make that make sense, think of it like this. All the little things like your eye colour, height and weight are like a hunk of rock. They are all the facts and what you are stuck with whether you like it or not. But what carves that rock is your favourite bands, the people you hang out with, and the things that you do when you have nothing to do. You are what you stand up for, what you have faith in, and the song that your soul sings. You cannot control how tall you are, or how long your arms are, or who your family is. You may not get to choose the solid bricks of what life is. But what you do get to choose is how you place those bricks, and what you choose to create. Do you choose to build your bricks into a house, or a wall? Are you using them to create, or destroy? Because life is life. It is insane and crazy and unfathomable. But how you play your cards is up to you. Either you decide, or fate decides. But dont let other people decide and rule your life. At the end of the day, do YOU love your life? Do YOU love the people that you are with? Do you fall asleep with a dream, and wake up with a goal? If you arent happy with your life, change it. Dont wait for me to tell you or your friends to tell you or your pastor to tell you. Making your own choices and being your own person is so important because no matter what, YOUR choices define YOUR life.

Have your own failures. Have your flops and have your falls. Because at the end of it, you will have your own successes. You need to be able to say at the end of the day, you were the person who created your life.

Anyway my laptop is dying got to go ahhh

The Socially Awkward, AKA Melissa xx

My overdue, segway-less blogpost of this week

Hey guys! How are you? How is life?

At the moment it is rhetorical, but if you are actually reading this please let me know in the comments below. I am getting straight into it today because I am pretty rubbish at segways.

It is so important to accept yourself, and see yourself for what you truly are, no matter who you are around, what stage you are at, or why you are where you are.

When you no longer define yourself by the words and opinions of others, you find a whole lot of freedom that no one is able to take away from you.

This post could go in hundreds of different directions, but the direction I am going to take it into is body image.

You are allowed to love yourself. Not when you fit into those jeans or go for a run or choose salad over fries, but now.

Close your eyes, and open your heart.

 You are not the size you are on a clothing rack or the number of kilos on the scales or the distance between your thighs. You are the bands you like, and the books that you read, and what you do in your free time. You are how you treat people and what you photograph, and what you dream about. And the fact that I have to remind the word of this makes me really really sad. The problem isnt with your body, the problem is what you think of it; and what you think of yourself. We dont shame flowers for being to short, too tall, too big, too dark, or too stripey. So why do we hate on people for it? All your body ever does is look after you and keep you alive. There are trillions of cells inside you, and all they care about is you. 

Society is messed up. If you love yourself, you are too proud. But if you dont, you are attention hungry. If you are unique, you are weird. If you are normal, you are boring. No matter how you feel about yourself, you are going to get hated on for it.

Everyone has something they are self concious about, but at the end of the day if you arent happy in your own skin then something needs to be done. When you are in a positive headspace and accept yourself, you have an incredible ammount of power. Because once you have accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.

CHALLENGE FOR THIS WEEK

Point out your three favourite things about your body. Then, choose one bit of your body you dont like, and find a way to like it. Whether that be you pat it, and tell yourself how amazing it is, or look a bit deeper and see why it is like that. Sometimes our biggest insecurities are the things that are actually our strengths.

Once I wore a crop top out and felt extremely self concious, but got heaps of compliments. My insecurity turned out to be my asset. I mean I still hate crop tops and never want to wear one but to know that the things that you are worrying about are things that arent actually bad is a very nice feeling.

Anyway, I hope you liked this weeks post. Sorry it is a bit late, I have had a very busy week.

Melissa xx

Are You Really Okay?

Hey World!

I am sorry that I didnt officially blog last week but I didnt have any inspiration and was just not feeling up to it, which is what this weeks blog is about.

Your mental health should ALWAYS come first.

 If you arent okay and you dont feel like you can handle the world, you need to stop. You need to relax, and you need to breathe. If you physically dont feel like you can take anymore, then everything else comes last. All the homework or friendships or whatever you have to do can wait. All your worries will still be there when you can handle it.

 If you put yourself on the back burner, then everything is only going to pile up on you and it is only going to get worse.

 One in Four people struggle with some kind of mental illness, and if you think about it, that is almost 8 to every thirty people, or 8 students per standard classroom. You are not the only one struggling, and you shouldnt be. You shouldnt have to feel like you are drowning. If you cant handle the world and you keep going without fixing the problem, the only thing you are doing is hurting yourself. Being brave and trying to defeat it is one thing, but if you are only fighting a loosing battle then it is okay to ask for help.

 Your mental health is important, and real. Nothing is fake about anxiety and depression.

 Nothing is fake about suicide.

Sometimes I look around and think "God, why me? Why have you given me this life if I can not handle it?" But see, there is the thing. God chose this life for us and he made us strong enough to handle anything that is thrown at us, but that doesnt mean alone. He gave us challenges that seem impossible but he also gave us people to help us through. In no way were we meant to do life alone.

 It is okay to say "My depression hit me in the face with a brick today, and today I literally can not." It is okay to say "I am sorry I didn't complete my homework, but I was busy convincing myself that who I am is important and I should stay on this planet." I am not saying use it as an excuse or use it to not do what you need to, but I am saying to always put your mental health first. I am saying that is more important to know that you are loved and feel safe within yourself then to get the best grades in the class or to have the most organised life.

 If you feel safe within yourself, then nothing that you can ever have to face will be able to hold you down.  If you havent slept in 24 hours but you have an assignment due in 2 hours, sleep. Keeping you, your body, and your mental health safe is the singlemost important thing in life. To be able to wake up in the morning and feel that you can take on the world is the most amazing thing that should never be taken for granted.

What about you?

This is a new thing that I am (probably) going to start on my blog where I challenge you guys to do (or think) about something. Yay! Let me know what you guys think about this and if it should stay or not.

CHALLENGE FOR THIS WEEK:

Write down the three things that make you the happiest, and sometime within the next week, do all of them. I am very excited about this, and have started gathering the supplies.

Anyway, that was this weeks blogpost! Pleasssee let me know what you think of it and comment down below and on the poll if you havent already!!

The Socially Awkward, AKA Melissa xx

Unofficial Blog Post Of This Week :D

Hey World!

I would like to say a few things about my blog, because I really need to get a few things about it said so people know my points and opininons.

ONE: My blog isnt about the views. It never was, it never has. I have been doing this a very short time with a very small audience, and that is working great for me.

TWO: my blog is very personal. This is my diary, that for some reason I have chosen to share with all the people on the internet. I reveal alot about myself, because I believe in transparency and being the same person no matter who you are around. This blog is my personality, unfliltered.

THREE: it is very honest. Nothing is dressed up or dulled diwn here, all my thoughts and feelings are out here. If you get offended or hurt, I am terribly sorry. This blog has no intention of hurting anyone; these are just my opinions that I have had with my experiences.

FOUR: Read it because it makes you happy, not because you are trying to support me. For all those people that are here just because you know me or want to make me happy, thank you so much. That is very kind of you, but as I said earlier, this is just my page of thoughts. And if no one ever reads it, that is okay. If you are here genuinely, thank you! I appreciate it very much.

FIVE: Blogging makes me really really happy! I am doing this because I love it. I am really enjoying this.

This a short blogpost, but lately they have been very long, and I felt that this is really something I should have said right at the beginning. For anyone that actually reads my blog, dont worry. There will be another post this week coming soon.

Thank you guyyyss :)
The Socially Awkward, AKA Melissa xx

Experimenting With Tea, Tumblr Trash, And Taking Your Pants For Walks

Hey World!

As you may know from my last blogpost, I have been on crutches for the better part of last week, until theyn were too hard and I gave up. We are going to ignore this fact, because I tried so hard that I actually smelled horrible and had sweat stains under my arms and glowed like a tomato. It was not a good time for me. Despite this, I am feeling a lot better than last week, and thanks to everyone who was sending me kind wishes. It is very nice of you.

Anyway, while I was busy doing absolutely nothing, I came across a problem.

BEING CRIPPLED IS THE MOST HORRIFICALLY BORING THINGS THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE IN THE HISTORY OF BORING THINGS. My mum also asked if I 'wanted to go on a walk' which I didnt appreciate. So I have compiled a list of things to do when you literally have nothing better to do than sit and do nothing for six hours. Here we go

1. Watch movies. Obvious, but helful.
2. Experiment with different types of tea. Earl Grey. English Breakfast. Red Bush. Chammomile. Lemon and Honey. Do you like herbal teas or fruit teas? Do you like them with sugar or two spoons of sugar? Do you like weird teas? Do you like milk or no milk? I had great fun with this, and discovered that my personal favourite is Earl Grey Tea With One Spoon Of Sugar No Milk. This may sound boring, but I assure you it is not. The more you get into it, the less weird it gets, I assure you.
3. Learn a new skill- knitting, drawing, crocheting, etc are all good options. I suggest not a sport like rugby, or a game like twister. For the immobile, these are not reccommended.
4. Find a friend. Either ring one up and force them to come over, or go make one on the internet. Find a support group for something. I joined one for a thing that I have (carpophobia, which is the fear of wrists. Yes, I dont like wrists. Accept it, and move on. But dont show me your wrists seriously it creeps me out) and made a friend through that! Obviously go for the non creepy, pervy weirdos and dont give away your address or anything. I am not advising you to cause your boredom to become abduction.
5. Troll through the internet. I got really into pinterest, and if you type in 'Tumblr Humor' you find a whole lot of unneccesary humor that you will love. I swear. You just cant hate it.
6. Celebrate weird holidays. Last year, my friend and I celebrated 'Take Your Pants For A Walk Day' (July 27th) and took (OUR SPARE PAIR OF) pants for a walk. Obviously walking is currently out of the equation, but I highly reccommend looking and seeing what other holidays you could celebrate.
7. Take a bath. Put in a bath bomb AND bubble bath (rebellion). Sit in it and measure how long it takes until you look like a massive prune. You could also read, or just ponder life. Technically, you could still be just as bored, but this way you will be able to say that you are doing something so you know it is slightly more interesting.
8. Use/make pinterest, and by this I mean properly. Find all the craft projects that you will never attempt, and put together a wardrobe of things you will never buy. You really need to trust me on this, it is greater than I am making it sound right now.
9. Go through memory books/photos. Dwell on the past, and remember the days when you did cross country and came embarrissingly close to the end, or the photos from your 6th birthday and how you were in kindergarten. I have 3 or 4 containers under my bed just filled with crap that I have collected over the years. It is actually really funny to go through and look at all your memories.

10. Play with your pet, no matter what it is. I EVEN CUDDLED MY CAT, which if you dont know, is a really big deal because my cat is kind of evil. If all you have is fish, make the most of it. Some goldfish are even able to learn tricks. You just gotta be open. GOOGLE IT!

11. Singstar. Learn that one song that you dont even know why it is on the disc that no one even knows, so next time you do it you will thrash your friends. I am aware that singstar is no longer cool, but I know that it gets broken out of the cuboard every once in a while for you to sing those 2010 pop hits.
12. Go to the movies. This may not be ideal for the immobile, but trust me. I went on a bus with my crutches, and then most movie theatres have lifts anyway, and it is good to break the mold and leave the house every once in a while. My friend and I did this, and went and saw the newest star wars movie. Trouble is, neither of us had seen any of the previous movies, and I was busy sorting out the snacks when the titles of what had happened in the previous movies was on, so I was a bit confused for the two hours. Nevertheless, I still got out of the house and had a good time. It does have to be a good movie for you to enjoy yourself.
13. Paint your nails. No one ever has the time to do this in real life, so when you get the chance, take advantage of it. Even if you are male, screw the gender roles and go for it. Dont let them hate you because they aint you.
14. Write something nice to your friends. No one ever writes mail to me except ocassionally my nana, and getting mail is far more exciting than it should be. Write your friends a letter, and then they will all imessage or dm you telling you that it was nice hearing from you, and you will have completely forgotten that you sent it because it you sent it three weeks ago.
15. Play a board game. If you are reading up to here, you must be really bored. This is quite desparate.
16. Chinnanians. This one needs explaining. What you do, is draw two eyeballs on your chin, then take a video of your face from your mouth down saying something in a funny accent, and then watch the video upside down. It kind of looks like a rotund person and it is one of the funniest things one could ever watch.

So that was what I did this past week! I hope you enjoyed these ideas, and you will one day get to use them. You can thank me later. Sorry this blogpost is late, I had another one that I was going to post but then realised that is is exactly the same as one of my other posts, so this is just my rambly ideas on a Friday night. YOU ARE WELCOME.

The Socially Awkward, AKA Melissa xxxx

The Past 24 Hours, Irony, and Blogpost #2 This Week

Hey World!

This is a very long blogpost, but a very important one, which is why it is a bonus one for this week. 

"So, how has the past 24 hours been for you, Melissa?" I hear you ask through your computer screen. 

"Well," I reply.

"Absolutely shit, but thank you for asking."

I started off yesterday, okay. It was friday and I was happy, although I have a head cold and didnt feel well but I wasnt going to let that get to me. As school started, it started to rain. This was okay, because I like rain mostly, but it was one of those rains that dampens the mood aswell as your entire umbrellaless self. 

As we go into assembly, we find out a whole lot of randomness like we have a fire alarm drill later, and parent teacher interviews are next week. 

And then they tell us that one of our teachers had a tragedy in her family, and one of her very close family members passed. This makes everyone very sad and in a bad mood, including all the teachers.

 I wish it stopped here, and my story didnt have to continue, but alas, we are not in a movie, and I am not co-ordinated.

 Later during lunch, a kid throws water out the window, and it lands on this scary year 12, and Sir Scary starts running up the stairs to find the kid who is responsible for his now very wet head. 

Unfortunately, the kid ran away and Sir Scary went up to the WRONG kid, and started pushing him up against the lockers and threatening him. The wrong kid freaks out, and has a breakdown. 

He then runs down the stairs and goes and hides somewhere else. 

I know what you are thinking, yet again.

"Melissa this is all well and tragic and whatever, but how is this related to you?"

Well, fellow reader, I will tell you. 

I was too upstairs, and am friends with the kid who was mistaken for pouring the water out the window, so my friends and I dashed down the stairs and followed him.

This, is where it gets worse.

My friend, slips on the outdoor, wet, metal stairs (which is how you go back downstairs), but catches herself. Then she says out loud,

"Whew, that is dangerous! I hope no one else falls down these!" Meanwhile, I slip on a step, roll my ankle, and then fall directly onto concrete and skid.

 It was also raining, and I somehow landed directly in a puddle, which I then had to sit in because I couldnt stand. 

Again, I really, really wish that this is where I was at my worst for atleast that day. BUT NO. IT WASNT.

I then proceeded to hop to the office, tears streaming down my face and blood all down my legs. I had to wait a while becuase they were so busy.

 Finally, I get in there, and they start cleaning me up and probably thinking that I am just being a drama llama, and then the worst possible, thing could have happened. 

Remember earlier when we were told about the fire drill? 

THE FIRE ALARM GOES OFF. WHAT EVEN REALLY DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOOD TIMING I AM DYING HERE WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? 

So then the office ladies all kind of ditch me, and I am forced to go hop to the meeting place with my class, in the rain, and I just looked an emotional wreck. 

I turn up, and my friend hugs me, and by then I am sobbing. 

Full on, crying with tears and snot and blood and rain and pain and fire alarms and having to hop and my butt was soaking wet from sitting in the puddle AND I WASNT FEELING THAT WELL AT THE VERY BEGININNING OF THE DAY ANYWAY and everything just got too much. 

So I did what I had to, and broke down. 

Unfortunately, this was also when my teacher came up and started asking me where I was during classtime and if I was okay and bare in mind that my teacher is a first year teacher and male, and didnt know how to cope with me. I dont blame him for this, but he didnt really know what to do.

 So, he left me. 

Everyone was also by that point staring at me.

Luckily, this was my lowest moment of the day. Well, more or less. It was defintely top three.

 I really dont want to start picking favourites.

From there I hopped back to the sick bay and the office lady refused to call my mum becuase it was so close to the end of school, so I went and called her myself sneakily from the toilets and she picked me up. 

From there we went to A&E and nothing is broken (although my Mum isnt convinced and is going to take me back next week) and they re-did the bandages on my knees from the crappy ones the school gave me and things all went uphill from there, THANK GOD. 

i have to admit, I did still smell like B.O. and have a wet skirt from the puddle and a little blood down my shins, the original illness I started the day off with and a terrible attitude, but overall it was all recovery from there.

At the moment, I have a headache, ear ache, eye-ache (thats a thing), sore throat, two knees bandanged up and stinging quite badly, I cant walk on my foot and have crutches, and am an emotional wreck. 

No, I am not okay at the moment, but that is okay. I believe that every person spends half their lives happy, and half of it sad. Half of their life is good, and half of it isnt. So when peoples lives get real messed up and they are at their worst, it gives me hope because if something can be that bad, it can also be that good. 

So right now I am in a really bad place and feel 100/10 crappy, but that gives me hope that one day I will be able to feel 100/10 awesome again. When people tell me about all the sad things in their lives, although yes they are terrible and nothing to be overlooked, people should know that extremes go both ways and that the way they are feeling isnt permanent. 

And right now? 

I am not okay. 

No way. 

I feel like crying and binge-eating and a complete mess, but nothing I am feeling now or could ever feel is permanent. 

If you are going through a rough patch,

Welcome to the club. 

There are like 7 billion of us. 

Every single being that you have ever and will ever meet is also in that club.

 Because to every good, there is a bad. And to every right, there is a wrong. But that is how life is. It is okay to be sad or mad or bad. It is okay to get angry or cry or seek help. It is OKAY not to have your shit together. 

So, my day wasnt exactly the best I have had in a while. But the bad bit is over, and now it is up to me to start living my life again.

Anyway, I hope you got something out of this, whether that be inspiration, a laugh, or just a feeling that you are no longer alone in your idioticicy, thats great. Thats all I need.

The socially awkward, AKA Melissa xxxxxx 

RANT RANT, ARTISTRY RANT

I will never stop drawing. For years people have told me and yelled at me and tried to purswade me to stop drawing on my hands. My dad was just telling me to stop a few minutes ago; I am not kidding i am literally always getting told off for it. Believe it or not, I do have a reason behind why I keep doing it anyway. 

I will tell you those reasons now. 

To me, the drawing on my hand is not just some ink that might poison me and the person or object that I have drawn. I pour my heart and soul into my drawings. When I show you a drawing, the nicest thing you can possibly do is tell me how much you love it. The thing I hate the most is people either saying 'cool' and moving on to something else, or telling me how I should fix it.

 I know it might look crappy, but you dont need to tell me this. Right as I show you that drawing I have FAITH in myself. I believe that the drawing on my hand or sketch in my math book validates me, and although I might not know how to do the math equation we are studying and need help, I am not just a charity case or worthless because I can draw something that looks nice! I know this is twisted logic, but I swear that it is legitamitely how we think.

 If you see someone with a drawing on their hand and you can tell that they have put effort into it, compliment them. It is seriously the best feeling ever. Even if we reply with "haha thanks but it is actually really bad.", I promise you that it will make that person feel 1086849275 times better about them and their art. 

All of my art means something to me. If I draw a girl, that girl has a backstory. I know how many siblings she has and what job she has and what she represents to me. If I draw a bird or a plant it represents hope or freedom. If there are planets it means that I am sad and wish I could escape reality. All my drawings communicate how I feel. My drawings show that I am a living breathing human and that I can create something out of nothing. 

All my artwork is a metaphor for something, which is why it makes me angry when people correct, get mad at, or make me get rid of my drawings. Sure, sometimes I dont mind washing off my drawings, but other days I need them. 

Using markers and pens and ink on your skin may not be great for it, but it is actually my (and alot of other artists) alternative to self harm. If I am feeling really down and I am not feeling like I can cope with the world, I draw. This is why I am seen at school sometimes with drawings all over my thighs. I really dont want to get into all that stuff, especially because this is not what this blogpost is about. Now all my friends know this, and will probably judge me, but whatever. If this helps at least one person, that is good enough for me.

 Maybe I dont have a thigh gap or long hair or a flat stomach, but I have a bomb-ass picture on my hands, and I can say that no one ever has, or will again in the entire history have that exact piece of amazingness on their bodies. 

It makes me angry that teachers dont like drawing in students books and/or skin.

that is my school book. My parents paid for it, and everything in here I have written. You have no place in telling me what I should be able to do with my pens. This is my body, my skin, and me that you are hating on. I have used MY brain, and MY skills, amd MY talent, to create something I like on MY body. WHY DOES THIS AFFECT YOU??why should you have a problem with it? There are so many worse things that I could be doing!! 

I know this all sounds ranty but art is so underestimated and it conveys so many different messages and shows people so many things. 

Pablo Picasso puts it perfectly by saying "art should disturb the comfortable, and comfort the disturbed." If I was Picasso I wouldnt have to write six million paragraphs, I could just say those nine words. Alas, I am not Pablo, so instead you get the rant. 

So when people ask me why I dont just stop drawing so I dont get told off, you might see why I cant just give them a sentence answer. Art is so finely grained into me and is so much part of my nature and soul, that it is like telling an author to stop writing or a athlete to stop running. It is like telling an accountant to stop adding numbers or a vet to stop caring about animals. 

The way I see it, as long as I am completing all the requirements, and completing my work, why should that concern you? Why are you so concerned about me? Art makes me happy, period. If I am drowing in assignments and I draw a flower in the corner of my essay, please dont be mad. If you see someone with a doodle on their arm, dont get angry. We are all just trying to find some colour in this black and white world. 

So anyway, that was this weeks rant. I hope you 'enjoyed' it? Also I am aware that the font is being all weird. Please someone let me know how I can fix this!

The socially awkward, AKA Melissa xx